Here's what's in my garage (Yes, there's a lot, I've got a huge garage and I hate empty space)
-2004 Chrysler 300M: That'd be my day-to-day car. I do enjoy it, it's a fairly great ride, but I wish I had waited just a year more to get my hands on a 300C instead. That thing looks like a goddamn tank, with a big shiny grille that says "I'll cut you!" . My 300M feels more like a late-gen New Yorker after a trip to an all-you-can-eat buffet. Meh, it ought to break down before long, it's a Chrysler after all, and then I'll get my hands on a sweet new 300C... but then again, seems like they've already changed the design this year, so I'm pretty much screwed unless I buy it secondhand.
-1996 Lincoln Mark VIII: That thing is a f***ing modern world wonder. I love it. It's like driving a jet fighter, like an F-16 or some s***, only you don't have to wear an anti-G suit and a helmet. And it doesn't carry bombs. Nor missiles. Nor guns. Hey but it does have a radar jammer, shhhh though
-1999 Cadillac Escalade: That's right! '99! The year where the 'Lade was just a Yukon Denali on which they slapped a Cadillac logo and added more cupholders and fake wood trim. At least back then it still wasn't known as the official means of transportation for hip-hop stars, so when I drive it around town, people don't stare at it, thinking P-Diddy or 2pac is going to pop out. Yeah, 2pac. Some idiots think he's still alive - obviously the same idiots who keep buying the "new" Pac CDs that are obvious remixes of old songs, with T-Pain or Akon dubbed over them.
-1992 Chevy Corvette: I bought this car secondhand while on a trip to Arizona a couple years ago. It was parked in front of Denny's with a "For Sale" sign. You've gotta know that in the early 90's, I was really into driving games on my DOS PC, especially the first Test Drive as well as Vette!, so I figured, "Holy s***, what other chances will I ever get to own one of those things?" (Plenty, it turned out, after I read the classifieds in the LA Times, but hey, I fell in love with the damn thing, ok?) So it turns out the tail lights were busted (they still are, too lazy to fix them) and the muffler needs a serious tune-up, but at least I own a friggin' red Vette and I'm proud of it.
-Remember Monster Garage? That show with the douchebag who ended up cheating on Sandra Bullock? Remember that episode where they turned a '94 Impala SS into a Zamboni? Well I bought that. Not that it has any use these days, it's obviously ruined as a street vehicle, and I don't own any indoor ice rink (yet!). Great conversation starter, though...
I almost also bought that pickup truck they built in one episode to shake down nuts from trees, but I got outbid on this one. Hope you're happy with yourself, James Woods! I'll see you in hell!
-2003 Ford Excursion: I nicknamed that one "Bob", and it's my only car with a nickname for some reason. Go figure. It's not even a car, it's a huge monstrosity, and I had it fitted with custom shocks and springs so that makes it even scarier. I'll usually take this one for a drive when the 300M is parked behing another car in my garage and I don't feel like moving that car away first. I'll also use it when I go cruising the trails or beaches and want to attract hot babes by wearing my most expensive pair of Ray Bans and using cheesy pick-up lines. Actually, I keep that pair in the Excursion all the time.
and finally,
-1998 Jaguar XKR: I guess you could call this one my actual "star car", although it's getting a bit old. Meh, it's not as if I was Seth Rogen or Dustin Hoffman, right? I can afford to drive something that's not old enough to be a classic, but not recent enough to be hot and trendy. Besides, if you knew what that hunk of british junk cost me when I bought it back in '98, you too would consider it a long-term investment. Besides, I barely ever use it, I think it has around 25k miles on the counter or something. If I sold it on Ebay and said it belonged to me, there's a chance I could get up to 75% of my investment back. Not bad for a 12 years old car.
